My masters have hauled me down to this strange new land they keep referring to as The South. It seems like I’ve been hear for ages, which is apparently just long enough for them to inflict me with a bladder infection. I felt so uncomfortable I showed them who’s boss by peeing in things to anger them, and figured they’d break them any moment. Since they hadn’t made me better, I figured I had to be more blunt with these simpletons and started going to the litter box every fifteen minutes and I even stooped so low as to drag my ass on the carpet like a filthy dog.
Little did I know they would try and fight back by taking me to the evil man with his pointy stick that he’d use to poke me. As if that weren’t bad enough they started cramming nasty pills down my throat twice a day after taking me home. To ensure my cooperation, they even had the nerve to withhold food until I submitted to this abuse.
After suffering two weeks of this, they took me back to the evil man and he made noises about growing crystals in my pee or something like that. His solution, switch me over to even crappier kibbles than the diet ones I’d had before and start drinking more distilled water every day. Oh, and he wanted to extend my pill punishment for another week beyond the week I had left!
A few more days of that and I was about at the end of my rope. So I started off by peeing in the masters’ suitcase twice in one night! They escalated past that by giving me a bath! The next day they tried to lock me up in a bathroom after that with nothing but lousy prescription kibbles, but I broke out and got into their bedroom. I figured I’d show them good by peeing in their comforter. No, that’s not enough of a statement. So then I crapped on their papers and then smeared it on the wall. Top that silly humans.
They give me a little taste, and then take it away. I can’t take this kind of abuse. I just need my tasty kibbles. Aaah! Can’t they hear me begging for one more hit?
Tried to work out some of my energy leaping at the fun string that makes the light come on. Can you believe they left the lid to the washer open? They’re out to get me. I just can’t stand the pressure. I fell in and had to fight to keep them from capturing me for good…
Ooooh, but it’s all good now. They’ve put out my good kibbles for me to eat. Mmmm… and they’ve locked out those other meanies so they can’t have any. Mmmmmm… tastes like victory. So good.
Day 752 of my captivity. Found what I hope is one of my captor’s favorite possessions. It appears to be some sort of container for transporting instruments of my exploitation and I believe it to be associated with their obnoxious light flashing device.
I have thoroughly inspected it’s contents to ascertain if it might hold anything I could use in my escape. Having found nothing, I destroyed it’s lining with my claws and ate the outer edges to prevent its further use.
Boss kitty caught me sleeping again. Don’t know why he makes such a big deal about it. Doesn’t everyone sleep like their dead?
Day 746 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on
their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my
confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called
“allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
